How Do You Solve Picky Eating?

"I don't like it!"

Whether you’ve spent all afternoon preparing a homecooked meal or decided to pick up some takeout, this phrase can bring any parent to the point of exasperation or resignation. But here’s the good news: Amanda Chavez, MD, a pediatrician with Children’s Memorial Hermann Pediatrics in The Woodlands Memorial Hermann The Woodlands, says that picky eating is a natural, developmentally appropriate part of childhood.

We sat down with Dr. Chavez to talk about why this phenomenon occurs, caregivers’ influence in food exposure, strategies to help your children at the dinner table and the signs to look for when you suspect your child’s picky eating is part of something more serious.

Understanding Picky Eating

To many parents, it may seem like their picky eater is the only child who has this issue, but Dr. Chavez says that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“I talk with families day in and day out, and parents are often surprised to hear that it’s very common for children to be picky—and, honestly, I’m more surprised when a child is not a picky eater,” explains Dr. Chavez. “But even if picky eating is normal, daily dinnertime arguments wear on parents and can make them feel alone in the battle for their children’s health.”

Dr. Chavez says that picky eating typically occurs between the ages of 2 and 5 years old. A picky eater often isolates a specific food group at the expense of all others, which can result in nutritional deficiencies if the child refuses to eat anything else. It's no coincidence that picky eating happens during toddlerhood, the developmental stage when a child begins to assert control. Food is one of the few things they have power over, so it’s only natural that they try to control how they eat.

“A child may like what’s on their plate but still push it away,” Dr. Chavez says. “That’s because they are trying to exert influence, and because their parents want to feed them a balanced meal, mealtime can quickly become a power struggle.”

Fortunately, picky eating is a phase that children often outgrow. What some adults may consider “picky eating” in later stages of childhood is actually a developed preference for certain foods. The key difference? With preferences, children still consume nutritionally balanced meals.

How Caregivers Can Shape Their Children’s Eating Habits

Parents have an outsized influence over toddlers in this stage. From remaining calm when a power struggle ensues to modeling behavior, parents are in a unique position. They play an essential role in setting the stage for their children to try new foods.

“Even when you think they’re not paying attention,” Dr. Chavez says, “children are observing what you’re doing. They’re watching to see if you’re eating your fruits and vegetables or sneaking a snack.”

Additionally, parents should be mindful of the words they use to describe foods. Dr. Chavez says that language plays a huge part in a child’s relationship with food. Labeling foods as “good” or “bad” can create unnecessary feelings toward food: consuming a “bad” food, like cake, may make a child feel guilty. Instead, think in terms of “sometimes foods” and “always foods.”

“Cakes or cookies can be fine in moderation and using language to describe them as ‘sometimes foods’ is helpful in categorizing the item and setting boundaries for when it’s appropriate for a child to eat that food,” Dr. Chavez says.

So, when it comes to that moment at dinner when your kid refuses to eat what’s been served, Dr. Chavez has one key piece of advice: Stay calm. Becoming upset or punishing the child may be a natural reaction to the moment, but Dr. Chavez says that these reactions often have the opposite effect of what the parent wants. Instead, try to remain unphased—don’t take the bait into the power struggle.

Strategies to Help Picky Eaters

Dr. Chavez says that when it comes to encouraging your picky eater to try new foods, parents can use several strategies:

• Involve your child with meal planning. The goal is to get your child involved in meal preparation, giving them a little bit of control. Ask them to help you plan a meal for the upcoming week. Remind them that they must choose a variety of items, including a fruit and vegetable. If they can’t think of anything, take them to the grocery store and let them pick something out from the produce aisle.
• Add another cook in the kitchen. Up the ante by letting your kid not only plan a meal but help prepare it as well. Kids love to be part of the process, so let them rinse, whisk, or stir. If they are part of the preparation of a food, they’re more likely to try it when it’s served, according to Dr. Chavez. Think your child is too young for this? Ask them to help set the table as another way to get them involved.
• Fake it till you make it. Would you rather do anything else than eat a veggie? You’re going to have to be the adult in the room and fake it until you make it—put on an Oscar-winning performance and act like what you’re eating is delicious. Let them know how much you enjoy that piece of broccoli. And remember, you must bring other caregivers on board with the program. Kids often emulate what they see the adults around them do.
• Have dinner as a family. Meals are so much more than consuming calories—they’re truly a bonding experience. Try to have meals as a family unit as often as you can, removing distractions like television and smartphones to forge strong connections.
• Don’t fuss at your kids. As mentioned before, picky eating is often a struggle for control—fussing at your child may only make them more resolute in their resistance.
• Be persistent. Just because your child has expressed dislike for a particular food doesn’t mean you should permanently omit it from their plate. Dr. Chavez says that you may have to introduce a food between 10 and 15 times to a picky eater before they will try it.
• Stop the predinner snack. Snacking throughout the day can decrease a child’s hunger at mealtime and encourage their resistance. Limit snacks to once between each meal so that they are ready for the next meal.
• Everyone should eat the same thing. As hard as it may be, you must resist becoming a short-order cook. Everyone should have essentially the same plate, according to Dr. Chavez. While you can make some exceptions, such as making a non-spicy version of a meal or swapping out a protein (subbing in chicken for fish), the goal is to avoid serving both an “adult meal” for the grown-ups and chicken nuggets and macaroni to the children.
• They don’t have to clean their plate. Never pressure a child to eat everything on their plate. The fact is that children’s stomachs are much smaller than an adult’s, so they probably won’t eat as much as you think they should.

When Picky Eating Indicates a Larger Problem

Sometimes picky eating goes beyond a developmental stage and may indicate a larger issue. Dr. Chavez says that it’s time to talk with your pediatrician if picky eating is happening outside the 2- to 5-year range and the child is very resistant (or even defensive) when trying different foods, textures or colors.

Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) is often described as “extreme picky eating” where a child has very little interest in food or maybe a fear of food and/or eating. Dr. Chavez says that a child with ARFID may experience significant weight loss or low weight gain and have no interest in foods that would be “typical” for that age. ARFID can be very concerning because a child is likely not getting the nutrients they need.

“This is why well visits with your child’s primary care provider are very important,” says Dr. Chavez. “We check a child’s development and growth and can learn about what they are—or are not—eating to evaluate whether this is picky eating or truly a disorder. This is just one of the many reasons your child should have an annual well visit, and an opportunity for the parent to bring up any concerns related to diet or otherwise.”

If you feel that your child may be experiencing something more than picky eating, it’s important to contact your pediatrician as soon as possible.

Meals Make Memories

One of the biggest keys to success is to realize that mealtime is more than breaking bread—it’s also where children make memories. Even though it can be a struggle for parents to have a picky eater, try to keep dinner fun—making funny faces with the food on their plate, using cookie cutters to make shapes, or having “themed” nights (like Taco Tuesday) is one way to lighten the mood.

“Mealtimes will be a part of a child’s core memories,” says Dr. Chavez, “You are creating traditions that they will remember for a long time—and maybe even institute with their own family.”